How the people responsible saw me as an object skirting the gender binary that could fulfil their fantasies, but only if it meant confining me to a reality where I can’t look in the mirror or broach intimacy without feeling ashamed. As I go about my gender transition and try whatever I can to take back control of the body I continue to despise, these are memories I always come back to. Related: Heartstopper Season 2 Review: Confident, Adorable, And Filled With Smooches It was a toxic melting pot I was afraid to confront, let alone break down in ways that would allow me to heal. Trauma conditions your mind into never exposing what it perceives as weakness, blacking out experiences that once came close to tearing you apart. It wasn’t until a close friend asked me what was wrong, and where my life was going if I wasn’t brave enough to confront it all. I’d come to recognise I was suppressing my emotions around these elements of my past, unaware how much of an impact they were having on me.
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